


Compathy

by Nyx_Fedra



Series: The Golden Mean [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hiding in Plain Sight, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Reunions, seven years is a long time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-18
Packaged: 2019-05-17 21:13:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14839262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nyx_Fedra/pseuds/Nyx_Fedra
Summary: It’s been seven years since the last battle between the First Order and the Resistance on Chandrila.Seven years since Rey and Ben disappeared.Finn had looked for them everywhere in the galaxy, and now he might just have found them.The problem is, seven years is a very long time, and Rey may not be as willing to come back to the Core as Finn had hoped.Compathy: feelings, as happiness or grief, shared with another or others.





	1. Finn

They had finally found something.

It was nothing but a rumour, small talk, really, but it was _something_ after years of _nothing_.

Seven years, five months, and four days, to be precise. Finn had counted, he kept counting.

Seven years, five months and four days since the end of the First Order, since the final battle. It had been cathartic: a violent battle, filled with fear and blood, but also hope and joy. Because they won. Despite the odds the Resistance had won, again, and now a new Republic reigned across the galaxy. It was, by no means, a perfect government, but it was a fair one, free of the injustices that had been normalised by the First Order or the Empire.

Seven years, five months and four days since Poe, breathing heavily, crossed the battlefield running towards him, to celebrate victory. Finn still remembered the sheer joy in Poe’s eyes, the small crowd that cheered around Rose, Poe’s lips on his in a sloppy kiss because he was just smiling too much, they both were.

Seven years, five months and four days since Admiral Erotk interrupted their celebrations after the last garrison of stormtroopers surrendered on Chandrila, the sky still lit by the debris of the fallen star destroyers reaching the atmosphere. Admiral Erotk had come after Crait, with fresh forces and resources, answering Leia’s call at least. The first of many, but in the void of leadership that had been created after Crait, being the first meant that alongside Poe, Erotk and his Naboo forces came to occupy a prominent place in the Resistance, especially after Leia’s sudden death. His voice was as important as Poe’s in the council, Finn understood that, he had never thought much of it until he had seen the Admiral come to them during the makeshift celebrations, asking for Poe and some fighters.

Seven years, five months and four days since Admiral Erotk had declared that despite everything that had happened, the council had decided to imprison and sentence to death Kylo Ren.

And _a lot_ had happened.

Because Kylo Ren had turned, his lightsaber a now stable flux of pure white while he fought with them, on the battlefield and before, inside the First Order, against Hux and his generals. It had been a lot for Finn to digest, for all of them, but Rey had been patient, explaining Luke’s mistake, Snoke’s manipulation and torture, the force bond, and _Ben Solo._ Leia was still alive then, and Poe had confessed to him that he had never seen her look younger, happier, than when Rey had revealed what had happened in throne room of the Supremacy and after.

But then Admiral Erotk had called for Kylo Ren’s death, and Leia was not there to convince the council to take another decision, because Leia had died, and the force was something obscure that not many understood. What Erotk cared for was a swift end of the Order, maybe the title of hero for himself, and not even Poe could make the council change their mind.

Finn, Rose and Poe, they had all agreed to tell her, to talk to her, but the final battle had come upon them so suddenly, and…

Seven years, _seven years_ , and Finn could still remember all of it like it was yesterday: the blur of the excitement for their victory, Poe holding him, Erotk’s words, and Rey… Rey turning around from where she was standing, a few step away from where a group of rebels was cheering Rose, the look of betrayal, of pure pain, of fear that changed her expression in such a way that for a moment, a single one, Finn had thought her lightsaber would turn red with anger.

He still remembered the way she had pleaded with Erotk, but the man was stubborn to a fault, and her argument based on something none of them could ever truly comprehend: the force.

Finn did not understand it, but he knew then like he knows now that to kill Ben Solo was to kill a part of Rey, their bond strengthened beyond comprehension after years of meeting each other through the force across the galaxy. It was not only that, there was more, there was _love._

Seven years, five months and four days. The last memory Finn has of that day is of Rey’s eyes shining with tears ready to spill while Erotk ignores her pleas, at least a dozen rebels with blaster in hands ready to go and capture Kylo Ren, who apparently was not far, exhausted and still on his knees near general Hux’s body.

Then there was nothing.

He had woke up slowly, the sun low and night rising in the Chandrila’s sky. They had all fallen on the ground in a dreamless sleep, Resistance and First Order alike, all those who had been on the battlefield.

The Millennium Falcon was gone.

Rey and Ben Solo were gone.

 _The Jedi are gone_ some had murmured _a blessing for the new republic_ some had said, _a bad omen_ other claimed.

All that Finn knew was that Rey, his best friend, was gone. She left.

Finn would had loved to hate her for it, it would have made things easier, but he understood: he understood because he loved Poe in a way he could barely comprehend somedays, and he understood even Ben Solo, because as an ex-stormtrooper he knew what it was like, to have someone mess around with your head.

In the mist of the political chaos from which the new republic was created, Poe had used his influence to plea for Rey and Ben relentlessly, to honour Leia, Han and Luke. After five years, the new parliament had accepted their request, Kylo Ren was, in way, dead after all, and Rey and Ben could come back, establish a new Jedi order in the new republic if they wished, but they were nowhere to be found.

Finn had looked for them immediately, helped by Rose, but for seven long years there had been nothing.

Until they heard the rumour: a woman, and a man, on a planet in the Outer Rim, so obscure and insignificant to have never been touched by war. The rumour was that he could lift rocks without touching them, and she meditates floating above the ground.

It could be a story. Finn had head many through the years, and when he went after them it always was just someone who faked to be force sensitive to cash in some credits with a trick. This was the best lead they had in years. They were so famous, after the last battle, Rey and Ben, that everyone constantly claimed to have seen them through the galaxy, so Finn had never considered following any of _those_ rumours. This… this felt different, this felt like something Rey and Ben would do.

‘Hey, worst case scenario, this is like a second honeymoon’ Poe said from the pilot seat of their U-wing, trying to cheer him up.

‘Please, no. Have mercy’ Rose exclaimed with a smile from the co-pilot seat, fingers moving smoothly on the controls, preparing them to take off.

‘Yeah’ was all he could say, his stomach turning with fear and anxiety.

Maybe he had put too much faith into this rumour, and if they didn’t find them… Finn was trying to be rational, but he knew he would be crushed. He just wanted to see Rey, to know if she was okay, to tell her how sorry he was.

Bb-8 beeped in front of him, trying to cheer him up with a funny story from Rose’s orphanage, of one of the children pouring accidentally an entire pot of green paint on her.

‘Oh you think that’s funny bb-8? I was green was five days! Five!’ Rose laughed, Poe with her and Finn tried to smile, but he was too nervous.

He was mostly quiet for the rest of their journey, three whole days, and Poe and Rose understood. Finn clung to his seat with more force than necessary when they jumped out of hyperspace, and a grey-green planet with some patches of dark blue water came into view. They had coordinates to a small town on the other hemisphere from the one that was into view, another half and hour of travel and they would land.

‘Love, it’s gonna be alright’

Finn was so lost in his thoughts that he hadn’t see Poe turning the chair around, taking his hands in his.

Poe kissed his hands with a smile that Finn returned before he let him go to go back to piloting.

‘Poe is right, this town is so small that we’ll land immediately. I doubt their spaceport sees more than a ship a week’

Rose’s voice never wavered, firm and full of determination and conviction.

‘Thank you, I… ‘ he tried to say how much this meant to him, their support, the fact that they had never given up with him for seven long years.

‘Don’t mention it’ it was Rose who stopped him, a warm smile on her face.

It gave him strength, to remember that no matter what they would find or not find on that small planet, he still had them, a family. Poe and Rose would still be there with him, no matter what.

Rose was, of course, right. They landed immediately and theirs was the only ship in the old spaceport. The town was small, a mixture of human and some alien species that lived mostly off the land with farming. The houses were small, made of stone, almost ancient, but well kept. No one seemed to know them, to know of the new republic, they didn’t knew much of the war either and that seemed a good sign, Finn wanted to believe that it was.

‘Okay, okay, okay…’ Finn said to himself after leaving the ship, taking large breaths and filling his lungs with fresh air after days of space travel.

‘Ready?’ Poe asked.

Finn nodded, took his hand and together with Rose and bb-8 they walked towards the small town square, where the market and the majority of people seemed to be. They had to be discrete, they had prepared their questions before hand.

_Have you seen my friend? A tall man, black hair, scar on his face? Have you seen my friend? Brown hair, probably in three buns. They should be together?_

‘Oh yeah, I’ve seen them. Nice folk, very nice folk’

Finn remained with his mouth hanging open for a moment, incredulity chocking the words in his throat before he could get them out.

‘You… you’ve seen them?’

The old lady nodded, looked at him as if she was worried he couldn’t understand her language properly.

‘She comes here every other day, buys my oranges. She left some twenty minutes ago, you’ll probably catch her before she gets home if you hurry’

Finn couldn’t move.

She was _here._

Rey.

‘That way’ the woman added, pointing right where the houses that made up the town ended abruptly, and uncultivated green fields could be seen stretching for miles.

‘Thank you! Thank you!’ Finn finally managed to say, snapping back into reality and handing a couple of credits to the old woman who gave him a toothless smile.

‘Poe! Rose! This way!’ he shouted, gesturing for them to move closer.

‘We know!’ Poe said enthusiastically ‘everyone we asked knows them!’

‘They’re not exactly hiding’ Rose added a little breathless.

Finn hadn’t realised that he had started running, but he kept going and going, the houses becoming more distanced between one another until it was just green fields with tall grass, a few dirt roads that went in different directions, and there was no one around except… except a small figure, a woman, walking east on a path so covered in grass that it was barely visible.

‘Stay calm, don’t shout, breath’ Poe stopped him before he could do something stupid, hands cupping his face while he placed a kiss on his forehead before letting him go.

They walked fast, but quietly, and slowly they got closer and closer and they could see a small house in the distance, at the edge of the woods.

She must’ve known they were there, but she kept walking until they were so close… and she looked… she looked like her.

 _Rey_.

Finn could not stop himself from calling her name.

Slowly, she turned around and Finn’s heart stopped for a second.

_It was her._

‘Rey!’ he said again, smiling, tears ready to fall.

She looked the same, age had not changed her much. Her hair was slightly longer, left free to fall on her shoulder and her expression was of pure shock.

Finn took a step forward while Rey looked at him, then at Poe and Rose and bb-8, and something flashed in her eyes. Her expression became hard.

It took Finn too long to remember the blaster strapped to his side, to Poe’s side, the vibrobalde that Rose was carrying not subtly enough.

It was a moment, the basket with oranges that Rey was carrying fell to the ground. Then the deep blue of her lightsaber was pointed towards them.

 


	2. Rey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey knew for a fact that the first time they kissed through the bond was months, maybe even a year before the final battle, but it felt like days in her memory. One moment they were alone in their respective quarters, light years apart and the force pulsing wildly when their lips touched... and then Ben was standing in front of her and the entire Resistance on the battlefield on Chandrila, the First Order forces behind him.

Seven years since they escaped, and with each passing day, Rey thought about it less and less.

The decision to leave had been a painful one to take, she knew that leaving meant she might not see her friends again. But that day there were also other feelings boiling inside of her: betrayal, rage, pain… the bond with Ben had helped her to maintain the balance, but it had been difficult. Not that she ever regretted her actions - if she were to go back in time she would not change a thing - but she missed them, of course, Finn, Poe, Rose, bb-8, the entire Resistance at times.

Rey had been right in the throne room after their fight against the Praetorians, Ben would turn on his own time, and he did. Their bond strengthened after the silence that followed Crait, and they met through the force again, and again and again, testing its limitations every time. The reason for their meetings - the lie they told themselves to avoid the truth - quickly became meaningless, especially when they manage to gain some degree of control on the bond. They did it for military purposes in theory - Ben had decided to finally join his mother’s cause, his first act of redemption - but something kept growing between them, and touch through the force bond was something, but never enough. They grew closer even if there was a galaxy between them, they talked for hours at times, and they learned so much about each other, about themselves.

Then Leia had died, and the pain that they had shared had been so intense that Rey had almost been tempted to steal a ship and go to him, but she had stretched the bond to its limits instead, not allowing Ben to fall into a spiral of self hate and destruction after having come so close to the light.

Then it all happened quickly.

Rey knew for a fact that the first time they kissed through the bond was months, maybe even a year before the final battle, but it felt like days in her memory. One moment they were alone in their respective quarters, light years apart and the force pulsing wildly when their lips touched... and then Ben was standing in front of her and the entire Resistance on the battlefield on Chandrila, the First Order forces behind him.

It was like Crait, like in the throne room in a way, but on Chandrila, when Ben ignited his lightsaber, the cross guard erupted in a pulse of clear and steady white. He had surprised her then, Ben never told her he had managed to heal the cracked crystal in his saber, but he did, and then he fought with her - he came to her like she went to him on the Supremacy - and they were finally _together._

It was a frenetic battle, bloody and chaotic and she fought most of it by Ben’s side, adrenaline pumping not only from fear and determination but also from the fact the they were together, that she could touch him and the bond would not take him away, because he was _there._

It was not a battle of light and dark, the light side of the force didn’t erupt in some sort of celebration, on the contrary, the force felt balanced, and stronger than Rey had ever felt it. _They_ were stronger than ever. The gentle hum of the balance had filled them with so much power and clarity that day, and it showed through their actions, through what they were able to do.

It showed when they took down garrison after garrison of stormtroopers, back to back, together, and First Order walkers were forced to halt with a movement of their hands.

Rey had exhausted herself, asking too much of the force and the bond when Leia died, but Ben tested the force and the new power they wielded when Hux ordered his generals to destroy the flagship of the Resistance over Chandrila’s sky, so to decimate the leadership once more. Two star destroyers were ready to fire when Ben had raised his hand to the sky, engaging with the force in such an effort that she had screamed in fear for his life - fearing she might lose him to the force as she had lost Luke - but the destroyers had moved to his will, to the force’s will, crashing into each other and signalling the beginning of the end of the battle.

The effort had drained him almost to the bone, but he had insisted for her to go and help Rose and Finn while he took care of Hux, assuring her he could still fight. She had felt his pain thought the bond each time Hux hurt him - two blaster burns, a vibroblade cut - and it amplified the fear she felt inside, of losing him when they were finally together after so long.

Then everything ended, they won, their relief flooded the bond and the force hummed in balance and peace in a gentle wave around them, soothing their wounds. Ben was exhausted by the effort with the star destroyers, by his fight with Hux and by the fight that had raged for years inside of him, between the light and the dark. Rey had pushed back all she felt to make him feel better, relief and happiness, hope and the strength that came from the balance in the force.

 _I can wait, I’m here_ he had said through the bond, stopping her from feeling guilty for staying still for a moment and enjoying the celebrations, watching Poe run desperately to Finn, and Rose being cheered by a group of rebels.

It was joyous and fulfilling and everything she had hoped victory would be.

Then Admiral Erotk arrived.

Rey had never liked him. Even though he answered Leia’s call, the fact that he had refused to side with the Rebellion for so long due to his economic interests on Naboo made him a figure not worthy of trust to Rey’s eyes, but she had accepted him. She had compromised and accepted a lot of things for the sake of the Resistance, for the force, and for a Jedi order that didn’t exist anymore… but Erotk barging into the makeshift celebrations and calling for Ben’s execution had been the last straw.

The war was _over._ They had _won_ , and she had explained to them again and again the burden of the force, the pressure it exercised on whoever had it, the conflict, and the particularity of Ben’s situation, Luke’s mistake, Snoke’s torture… Leia had understood, but the others… they just did not understand the force, she couldn’t fault them for that, but she could fault Erotk and the council for their decision.

She pleaded and pleaded, she tried to explain again and again until it became clear that this was a long time coming, something decided long ago. Finn, Poe and Rose, her friends, they _knew_ and said nothing to her. Anger and a feeling of betrayal she had never experienced before took control of her, for a moment, a single moment, while Ben’s presence in the force flickered because of his extreme exhaustion, amplifying her fear. It was a moment, a second, and then everyone was on the ground unconscious, Ben’s tired voice in her mind calling her away from the dark, towards the balance they had reached after years of struggle.

It didn’t took much for Rey to decide what to do then, she went back to Ben and together they left in the Millennium Falcon. He managed to help her with take-off, to choose quickly an isolated world in the Outer Rim from the nava-computer and jump to hyperspace before collapsing.

He slept for the four days it took them to reach the small planet, Vitra, and three more after they landed. Rey would have feared the worst if it wasn’t that she could feel him in the force, recovering from the effort of having wielded so much power, much more than was probably wise to. She had been weak as well, sleeping for a whole day next to him while still in hyperspace. The force was bigger than the both of them, much stronger than their feeble human bodies, and there was only so much they could do before the effort of overreaching killed them.

When Ben woke up, they began their new life on Vitra.

It wasn’t much: a small house at the edge of the woods, their peaceful and private sanctuary, the Falcon hidden in the woods, and they managed to get by just fine. They lived off the patch of earth behind the house Ben worked on, Rey sometimes took some jobs as a mechanic in the town, but mostly they kept to themselves, they trained where no one could see them, they meditated, but most importantly they _lived._ For the first time, for both of them, they could just _be._

She was not on Jakku, waiting, surviving; he was not on the Supremacy, constantly fighting, struggling.

They lived, and they lived together, and sometimes they still argued, but they were happy. It had not been easy, they had issues and problems to work through, it took them years, but they were happy, they had always been since they embraced each other on Chandrila after being separated for years. And so Rey thought less and less about the day she left, even if she missed them, Finn and Poe and Rose. She knew they were okay, and that was what mattered. Her mind was on other things: on the wrinkles that formed in the corner of Ben’s eyes every time he chuckled, on the lazy mornings they spent in bed together sharing smiles that vibrated with pure love, how he lightly teased her about her non-existing cooking skill, how despite her fears their love remained strong, and she could reach for him and he would be _there_ ready to embrace her and kiss her, of how after years she knew every shade of his warm eyes, and so much more… In their new life, not even the past was able to hurt them: when he teased her about her cooking skills, she replied without sadness about how she grew up on stale rations; Ben talked about Han every time they had to tend to the falcon without falling into a spiral of self-hate; and loneliness and pain were a thing of the past, so much so that they could even joke about Snoke’s cruel training, a way of healing just like another.

They were happy.

They were.

Until that day.

It was not unusual _per se_ , sometimes someone followed them when they left the town, out of curiosity, to see the house from a distance. There were some rumours about them, but they had mostly dissipated after so many years, although the curiosity remained for some. It had unnerved her at first that people were so keen to _know_ , but after years she knew they meant well. The town was so small that everyone knew everyone, and they all looked out for one another.

It was fine.

It _was_ fine until a voice she remembered well shouted her name.

She turned around and for a moment she was frozen on the spot. Finn was there, with Poe, and Rose, and bb-8.

Her first thought was of happiness, of seeing them again, well and happy.

The second thought was of fear, because they had blasters clearly visible and the last time she saw them, Poe didn’t do anything to stop the rebels from preparing to hunt down Ben like some wild animal.

_They found them._

It was a second, and without thinking about it twice, she pointed her ignited lightsaber towards them. They had lived in peace for seven years, but old habits died hard, and they always carried their sabers with them.

‘No! Rey! Wait! We’re not here to hurt you!... or Ben!’

Finn was shouting, taking his blaster and throwing it to the ground followed by Poe, while Rose took out a vibroblade from her pocket, and bb-8 beeped confused looking between them.

‘Rey, please! I am here to represent the new republic, they won’t hurt Ben anymore, I _swear it_ to you! You can look into my mind!’ said Poe taking a step forward.

She did look into their minds, a brief brush so not to let them know about it.

They were not lying, but Rey lowered her lightsaber slowly before turning it off. A not so small part of her still not capable of trusting them completely.

‘I’m so happy to see you’ Finn exhaled relieved, running to her.

He meant well, she knew, he just wanted to hug her like they had so many times before. But it had been seven years, and no one touched her but Ben, she allowed no one to come that close, so she moved away, regretting it immediately when she saw the pain in Finn’s eyes, the confusion.

Rey didn’t know what to say in the silence that followed, she could barely understand how she felt about them coming to Vitra, finding them. There was a storm growing inside her, conflicting emotions and feelings meeting, crushing, creating thunders of confusion.

A familiar movement in the force caught her attention, and Rey turned around instinctively: on her right, the tall grass that surrounded the path moved restlessly until a small figure appeared, breathless, hair ruffled with strands of grass in it, followed swiftly by another, equally breathless and disheveled.

She could barely open her mouth before they jumped on her, hugging her.

‘How many times have I told you not to run in the fields when it starts to get dark?’ she could not stop herself from scolding them a little - she always worried they could get lost, they were still so small, the grass so tall - forgetting for a moment how the past had found them, what that would mean.

‘The sun is still high!’

‘Why are the oranges on the ground?’

They said talking over one another.

‘Is _that_ a blaster?’

‘Leia, no!’ Rey stopped her before she could reach the weapons on the ground.

Finn, Poe and Rose looked petrified.

It was a disaster.


	3. Finn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They walked into the cozy house quietly, even bb-8 remained surprisingly silent while they moved into the living room. There were very few toys around, only two dolls and some stuffed animals, while the delicious smell of something cooking in the nearby kitchen filled the air alongside the voices of the children.  
> Finn looked for Poe, feeling suddenly uncomfortable. It felt as if they were intruding into something very private, very personal.

There were two children.

_Two._

A girl, and boy. They looked similar yet different.

The girl had deep black hair, big brown eyes, while the boy had light brown hair and hazel eyes... just like Rey... and _him_. They were probably three, four years old, and Finn had to blink a couple of times to assure himself that it was real, but the girl, Leia - _Leia_ \- was tugging at Rey’s vest, eyes fixed on bb-8.

‘Mom, can we touch the droid?’

‘Umh, no, no actually why don’t you race back to the house, see who gets there first?’ said Rey with a smile - clearly forced - kneeling down so to look the children in the eyes.

The boy was not convinced.

‘We just raced here to see who could hug you first. I won, so I get a piece of cake!’

‘Bail, you know the rules. No cake for dinner.’

‘Who are they?’ Leia asked, looking slightly concerned.

‘It’s okay, they are friends. Come on, you can race back or you can stay here and hear us doing boring adult talk’ said Rey calmly, still smiling, although more warmly, while she took strands of grass out of the their hair and clothes.

Leia and Bail looked at each other for a moment, then they sprinted down the path shouting. Rey was back on her feet, the oranges lifting off the ground and going back into the basket without her touching them. The force, Finn supposed, slightly annoyed.

_What the hell._

He was still speechless, she looked… different, with the children. He looked back at Poe and Rose, but they both shook their shoulders, leaving him to decide what to do, what to say.

When Rey shyly began to walk again towards the house, they followed her. She didn’t seem to mind and remained silent, even when they picked up their weapons from the ground.

Finn didn’t know what to think, he had never though… he had _imagined_ , sure, marriage, like for him and Poe, or Rose and Connix but not… he never thought…

‘Are they _twins_?’ Poe asked in a whisper, while they approached the house.

Before Finn could tell him to shut up before they had a lightsaber pointed at them again, Rey answered.

‘Yes, they’re… they’ll be four years old in a couple of months’

She didn’t turn to look at them, but it was clear that she was forcing herself to give them this information.

It was a low blow for Finn, seeing how much she didn’t trust them.

‘They look beautiful’ said Rose, but Rey didn’t answer, her shoulder straight with clear tension.

The two-story house was isolated, made of the same yellowish stone of the other houses of the town, and full of windows lit inside by a warm light. Finn could see the children playing - laughing and screaming - just outside the blue door, surrounded by carefully kept flowers in a nice front garden.

In his mad rush to get to Rey, Finn had forgotten to look around. It was peaceful, and calm, and beautiful. It was not the intense green of Takodana, but the sunset was turning the sky a lovely shade of purple, the fields had a sweet smell of grass and wild flowers, and the woods behind the house were not of the scary kind, the sound of birds singing filled the air.

It was an unremarkable planet, but it was peaceful, and it had its beauty.

‘It’s a nice place’ Finn said walking faster, so that he could be next to Rey.

She flinched unconsciously, moving away a little before relaxing and walking closer to him. He pretended to understand that, Rey had always been weird about personal space and touch after so many years of being on her own but never... never with him. Maybe seven years was... a lot, Finn thought sadly.

When they finally reached the house, Rey stalled.

Leia took the oranges from her and sprinted inside followed by Bail, and Finn saw _him_ , a passing shadow on a window.

‘Come in?’

She looked uncertain, sad, exhausted and frightened, and it hurt. This was not like anything Finn had imagined. He had feared of not finding her at all, or of her just rushing to him in happiness, ready to come home, but this… this was different.

They walked into the cozy house quietly, even bb-8 remained surprisingly silent while they moved into the living room. There were very few toys around, only two dolls and some stuffed animals, while the delicious smell of something cooking in the nearby kitchen filled the air alongside the voices of the children.

Finn looked for Poe, feeling suddenly uncomfortable. It felt as if they were intruding into something very private, very personal.

‘… and so I run so, so, so fast, and I hugged mum first!’ Bail said jumping on the sofa, his voice loud so that his father could hear him from the kitchen.

_His father_ … Finn could scarcely wrap his head around Rey being a mother, let alone _him_ being a father. Finn had never in his life seen a pregnant woman until after the Resistance regrouped after Crait, and he was completely unable to imagine Rey with a huge belly… but there was such a loving atmosphere in the house, despite Rey’s tension, and he just knew that they were good parents, probably of the loving kind sometimes he still dreamed he had.

‘You were lucky’ mumbled Leia picking up one of the dolls , and Poe elbowed Finn when he realised it had an orange flight suit and white helmet. It was a Resistance pilot.

Rey was still, clearly uncertain about what to do, and she kept looking between them and the door that led to the kitchen.

‘I _wasn’t_! I won even when we came back!’

‘Well, _I_ almost touched a blaster!’ Leia shouted jumping on the sofa with her brother.

‘You touched a _what_?!’

It was a second, Finn barely had time to precess that fact this it was _his_ voice when he appeared in the living room from the kitchen.

Like Rey, he looked the same but different, more relaxed, at peace. His hair was shorter now, barely reaching his shoulders, and he was as big as Finn remembered, the scar from Starkiller a thin line on his face.

‘Yeah, that one’ said Leia jumping off the sofa and pointing at Poe’s blaster, once again racing to touch it.

Ben was faster, in a second Leia was in his arms, laughing with her brother at being picked up so suddenly, apparently oblivious to the fear on their father’s face.

Rey rushed to him immediately and began to whisper to him in earnest, one hand on his cheek and the other on Leia’s back. He looked at them with clear distrust, almost fear, but then he nodded and bowed down a little so to give Rey a quick kiss, just a peck on the lips that nonetheless seemed to calm both of them.

No one had ever seen them affectionate towards each other during the war for obvious reasons, but even when they were finally reunited on Chandrila, Finn had seen them hug, not kiss… he realised in that moment that no matter what he had told himself, a part of him had never truly believed that Rey would feel _that way_ for Kylo Ren, for Ben, but the proof of it was right in front of his eyes, and it wasn’t only the children; it was the cozy atmosphere of the house, the small touches they exchanged while they moved around, the way they looked at each other.

Ben let Leia down, and she climbed on the sofa next to her brother, talking about something on an old datapad in Bail’s hands, the pilot doll briefly forgotten on the floor.

Ben Solo, the son Han and Leia, _Kylo Ren_ , looked at them once again, uncertain, and there was a silent conversation going on between him and Rey through the bond, Finn was sure of it when Ben bit his lips and then nodded again.

‘Go wash your hands’ he said to the children, his voice surprisingly warm and gentle ‘dinner is almost ready’ he added looking at them before disappearing into the kitchen, the children rushing upstairs.

‘You could stay for dinner. Then we can talk, when the children are asleep’ said Rey, the uncertainty of before replaced by controlled words and movements.

‘I would love to’ Finn answered without hesitation.

Rey picked up the discarded doll from the floor and placed it on the sofa, smiling lightly.

‘I’m not surprised she ran to you. Leia has wanted to be a pilot since the first time Ben took them with him on the Falcon’ she said to Poe.

‘She’s a smart kid’ Poe replayed with hands on his hips, finally relaxing enough to throw around his usual charming smile. ‘They both are. The names are… well, not unexpected’

‘I’m sure Leia would have been thrilled’ Rose added ’about, well, small Leia’.

‘Oh, she _is_ , absolutely smitten’ Rey replayed with energy, apparently finally at ease with them.

‘What?’ Poe asked confused. ‘How would you…?’

‘Oh, kriff, please tell me it’s not another force thing!’ Finn pleaded. There was only so much weirdness he could understand.

‘It’s force ghosts’

Ben was in the living room again, and Finn noted that he still dressed in dark colours.

‘Force ghost… _right_ , why not’ said Poe looking around, trying not to give away how frustrated he was at not understanding.

‘When one is in tune with the force, when they die their body disappear, they become one with the force. This is why there was nothing when my mother passed, as if she left the room. When it happens, they can come back, in a way, interact. They come to us, not often, but they do’ he explained patiently, still considering them carefully with his every look.

‘They?’

Finn couldn’t stop himself from asking, because this was just… weird.

He most definitely wasn’t expecting any of this.

‘Leia, Luke, Obi-Wan, Yoda, even Anakin’ Rey answered moving closer to Ben, taking one of his hands in hers, almost shielding him from them. ‘They have been very helpful’

Finn felt the uneasiness again, as if they were intruding; Rey was clearly being protective, of the children, obviously, but especially of Ben. They had been - maybe still were, he hoped - friends, but they brought with them the possibility of taking Ben away from her, of leaving her alone with two small children. Suddenly, Finn could not stop himself, couldn’t wait, he _had_ to tell her.

‘I’m so sorry about what happened on Chandrila! We knew about the council’s decision, and we really wanted to tell you but so much happened! We would have never let Erotk kill Kyl… Ben’ he said speaking too fast.

‘You would have let him get captured! None of you did nothing! I was the only one pleading for him and he was barely capable of standing!’

‘Rey, it’s okay’ said Ben calming her, an arm going around her waist, pushing her closer to him.

It was weird. _He_ was the one famous for his tantrums, he should have been the one lashing out in anger, not Rey. She was supposed to be happy about seeing them, rush towards him and hug him like they had always done. Maybe seven years were a long time, longer than Finn had realised.

‘I have been alone for most of my life, waiting for someone who would never come back for me, and when I finally… and you wanted to take _Ben_ from me’ Rey said through tears, face hard but with fading rage.

‘We’re sorry, we truly are. We never meant, it was just very sudden, we were all taken aback from Erotk’ Rose moved forward, offering a small smile ‘but Poe talked to the parliament, you’re all clear now, if you come back to the Core Worlds you’ll be fine’

‘ _No_ ’ Rey said firmly.

’How about dinner?’ said Ben changing argument immediately, pushing Rey against his chest before whispering something in her ear, but she shook her head in disagreement once again.

‘I’m not going anywhere without you’ she said firmly, her hands grasping Ben’s shirt so tightly her knuckles were almost white, as if she feared he might disappear the moment she let go.

‘Ben can come too’ Poe repeated, but Rey didn’t look convinced.

‘It’s too dangerous, what if someone tries to hurt him? No, we’re fine here. We still have a couple of years, why should we leave now?’ she said, the last question clearly directed at Ben, leaving Finn confused once again.

‘Let’s not… think about it for now. Okay?’ Ben answered moving toward the kitchen, Rey still holding him close to her.

Finn looked at Poe and Rose with equal part confusion and hurt, but before following them to the kitchen, he stopped.

‘Wait… Where’s bb-8?’

They looked around for barely a minute before the droid bounced without grace down the stairs with long beeps, the children laughing and following him around the house until Bail, in a reckless move, tried to jump over the droid from the sofa.

After years of visiting Rose at the orphanage and occasionally helping her, Finn braced himself to witness a fall he could not prevent, for the crying and sobbing that would inevitably follow. But none of it happened, Bail remained suspended in mid-air until he fell slowly into Ben’s arms.

‘Dinner is ready, come on’ was all Ben said, Bail still in his arms while taking Leia’s hand before she could poke at bb-8’s antenna.

Finn, Poe and Rose stayed still for another moment, long enough to see Leia slightly turn around and extend her free hand, the pilot doll flying smoothly from the sofa into her hand.

‘ _Oh_ ’ was all Finn could manage to say.

‘ _Oh_ indeed’ Poe repeated.

‘Yes bb-8, we know we should not be surprised by it’ said Rose rolling her eyes at the beeping droid ‘but _still’._

 


	4. Rey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘We looked for you since Chandrila, we’re here to tell you that all is solved now. You can come home, you know, be with us again’ said Finn standing up as well.  
> ‘I _am_ home’ she answered without hesitation, slightly irritated that Finn could not see that.

It was a quiet dinner.

Usually Leia and Bail would move around the table, climb on and off their chairs with the spur of energy that always preceded bedtime, until with their bellies full of food - Rey always made sure they ate enough, so that they never had to suffer hunger like she did - they began to doze off in her’s or Ben’s arms, or on the sofa. But they were probably sensing their parents’ distress in the force, even if unconsciously, and this led them to be quiet, chewing their food in silence, looking at the three strangers sitting at the table with them with growing curiosity.

Rey was afraid, she couldn’t help it, even if she could sense that Finn was saying the truth about the new republic being ready to welcome them back. She was afraid someone would try to hurt Ben and she couldn’t… she could not even _think_ of being without him, of a life he was not part of, not next to her watching the children grow with marvel and awe.

It had happened a couple of years after their arrival, and it hadn’t even been a full conversation, half aloud and half through the bond. They simply decided to stop trying _not_ to have children, and months later the force moved restlessly, and they both felt it, new life growing in her womb. After all they had been through, the expression on Ben’s face the day the twins were born was something Rey treasured, alongside that of the day they exchanged their wedding vows, when he promised her aloud that they would never have to be alone again.

_It’s alright, no one knows they came here._ Ben’s voice was soothing through the bond, but she still remained restless, careful of Finn, Poe and Rose, their movements and words.

She itched to move, to seek Ben’s touch, but he was sitting on the opposite end of the table, so she just closed her hand more firmly around her fork. They had never been for public displays of affection, but Rey knew that it was obvious in private how much she and Ben touched, reached for one another, after years of loneliness during which touch by strangers became for them both a synonym of pain and fight. She was grateful that the children knew nothing of it, that they only knew comfort and love, the force a steady pulse of balance.

Ben was afraid as well, she could feel it clearly. It had been such a struggle for him to turn in the months, years, after Crait, alone in the heart of the First Order while the bond granted them to meet for moments that always felt too short; his mind suddenly baffled, lost, at the absence of Snoke’s manipulations and painful torture, something that had accompanied him since before birth. But he had learned control from that struggle, remembering Luke’s lessons on meditation, and his tantrum had disappeared, his soul healed like the crystal in his saber. Rey was more impulsive, reckless at times, and this had her vulnerable to the dark, but never for more than a second, and only in situations of great distress, like on Chandrila.

Now she feared for her family, for the life she and Ben had built together, for the children, and even though she resisted it without trouble, she could feel her fears feeding the darkness. She had to stop eating when Ben’s fears became clear in her mind: he was ashamed, the children knew little of the force, and they had only felt the balance, the Republic coming for them meant that they would soon have to know about his mistakes, about Kylo Ren. He feared it would do to them what it did to him when he discovered the truth about Vader, that they would hate him, or never look at him the same way. There was a sharp pain in her chest when those thoughts reached her, and she had to take a sharp intake of breath so not to cry.

The war was _over_ , they had already given _so much_ , why couldn’t they be happy?

Rey was glad, really glad to see Finn, Poe and Rose; she had missed them, even bb-8, but until yesterday they were happy in their routine, even if some might have though it boring. Ben had been thinking about what kind of cake to make for the twins’ birthday, if they should get them some new toys, certainly new clothes - they grew up so fast - if they should expand their teaching of the force just a little bit. Yesterday’s dinner had been so different: Ben was laughing while cooking, Leia and Bail trying to climb on him while she prepared the table and tried to commit every detail to memory, as always, every smile, every laugh. That very morning her heart had almost exploded with happiness: they had woken up earlier than usual, and in the safe comfort of their bedroom they had made love, laughing silently at how quiet they needed to be so not to wake the children, their faces never more than a few centimetres apart while their bodies were shaken by pleasure and love. When the first rays of light had illuminated their room, Ben’s head was resting on her chest, his weight a safe reassurance on her - the bond breaking suddenly and him disappearing under her hands had left scars in her soul, so she loved to _feel him_. She was moving her fingers in his hair in the way that always made him shiver when she saw it: a strand of silver in his deep dark hair. He had sensed her feelings in the force, in the bond, and looked at her slightly confused, eyes still glossy with pleasure.

‘You have… white hair’ she had said smiling.

Ben had raised an eyebrow at her, a cocky smile on his face ‘is that so?’

‘Yes, but it’s okay, it means everything is going accordingly to my masterplan’

‘And…’ he had replayed propping himself up on his elbows so to look at her better, his hands a gentle caress on her waist, raising goosebumps on her skin ‘what’s the goal of this masterplan of yours? Being stuck with an old grumpy man?’

’Mh… no, it’s growing old together’ she had answered, her heart wide open for him, as it always was. Ben had whispered a small _’oh’_ at that, tears forming in his eyes while still smiling, and Rey had been so happy, she couldn’t even fathom how someone could be that happy, so full of love and joy and pride.

That had been that very morning, but it already felt like a lifetime ago, and she hated it, she hated the whole situation.

_I love you_ , was all she could say to Ben though the bond, trying to sway him away from darker thoughts. He smiled at her briefly from across the table, while Poe finished his succinct explanation of how he had ended up being elected as first president of the new Republic for five years, and then Rose filled the silence with the tales from the orphanage she had created in memory of her sister.

‘What’s an orphanage?’ Bail asked her.

‘Oh, well, it’s a place for children who don’t have parents, or a family’ Rose answered kindly.

‘Some children don’t have… parents?’ asked Leia, and maybe it was Rey’s and Ben’s distressed in the force, but she was so upset by Rose nodding a yes that she left her fork fall on the still half full plate of stew and jumped out of her chair, climbing into Ben’s lap and hiding her face under her father’s chin.

Ben embraced her tightly, left a kiss on the crown of her head and murmured reassuring words in her ears. Leia was a lot like Ben, she was quieter, spoke less than Bail, but with a vivid imagination, an introvert by all means and already capable of great control of the force. But Bail was the one usually more easily upset by other’s emotions if he felt them strongly enough in the force, his control of it more wavering that his sister’s. So it was strange for Rey to see that Leia was the one distressed by the whole situation, while Bail simply stayed put in his seat, apparently deeply concentrated on the piece of bread he was moving around the few peas that remained in his plate.

She didn’t like it. She didn’t like any of it.

Finn was looking at her again, a mix of disappointment, confusion and pain rolled off of him in waves, and Rey didn’t know what to do about it. What was so difficult to understand? He loved Poe, he surely must have understood her fear of losing Ben when so many might still see him as an enemy to slay. She had been so happy, years ago, when she revealed to them the bond; Finn had been the first to accept Ben, because he had been through reconditioning as a stormtrooper and knew what it was like to have someone else inside his head. Yet, it seemed he could never truly comprehend her fears.

Finn’s backstory was tragic, yes, but he had used it to grow into a hero of the Resistance, married to Poe, _the_ pilot turned General and then President. Their paths had been nothing if not a stumble from one light to the other, they knew nothing of the struggle with the dark, of how it affected someone, how the dark side of the force felt, the sick games it played on people’s minds.

She wished they never came.

_You don’t mean it,_ Ben said.

_Maybe I do._

_They are your friends._

_Not when they could destroy all of this, us, ur happiness._

_They mean well, just talk to them, they will understand._

_How can you be so calm about it?_

_I am not, I’m just trying to be rational. It’s only them, they didn’t broadcast our location to the rest of the galaxy, we’re still safe._

_The children are upset,_ she pointed out.

_They can feel_ our _distress, they’ll be better as soon as we calm down._

‘Alright, time to go to bed’ Ben said standing up, Leia still in his arms.

Poe, Finn and Rose seemed startled by his sudden movement.

‘Already?’ Bail complained.

‘Yes, already. Come on, kid. Let’s go brush your teeth’

Ben was calm, a forced kind of calm, but he was trying to push it in the force, so that the children would feel it too.

‘I’ll read you a story, and then mom will come say goodnight, okay?’ he added moving closer to Bail, who slid out of his chair and took Ben’s hand, following him out of the kitchen, Leia still not speaking.

Rey stood up as well, she took their plates from the table and tried to think about what to say, what to do, while she left them in the sink. It was already dark outside, through the window over the stove she could see the lights of the town in the distance.

‘Why did you come here?’ she asked finally.

‘We looked for you since Chandrila, we’re here to tell you that all is solved now. You can come home, you know, be with us again’ said Finn standing up as well.

‘I _am_ home’ she answered without hesitation, slightly irritated that Finn could not see that. ‘I don’t want… to go back to _where_ , exactly? Coruscant? Naboo? And do what? What would I do Finn? We would have to constantly be alert in case someone would want to hurt Ben… and what would we tell the children? I don’t want them to know about the war, not yet, they’re not even four years old!’

'I thought… ‘ Finn tried to say, but it was clear that he hadn’t expected any of this, that she would have a _life._ That irritated her, _again_.

‘I’m happy to see you all, I really am. It has always been a comfort to know that you were okay, but it cannot go back the way it was. I won’t go anywhere without Ben, and him and I… our childhoods were difficult, we don’t want that for the children, we want them to be happy and protected as long as we can, and we still have a couple of years’.

Finn was clearly hurt by her words, although a look of comprehension seemed to cross Poe’s face. Rey knew of Poe’s childhood on Yavin IV, how he treasured those memories of happiness even in the light of his parent’s early death, so he understood what she meant, how important a happy childhood was.

‘You keep saying that, that you still have a couple of years, what does it mean?’ Rose asked.

She hesitated, unsure if she should speak about it, but she thought it could help them understand.

‘It’s… we spoke with Luke and Yoda, several times… we’ll have to move soon enough, there are others with the force, and they’ll need guidance. We agreed that we can still wait a couple of years, until the children are older, before setting out. The galaxy will know about us soon enough without us rushing to the centre of it now’ she revealed.

None of them seemed to know what to reply to that.

_Sweetheart,_ Ben called her through the bond, the children asking for her before sleep.

‘I have to go upstairs, the children…’ she said moving.

‘Of course’ said Rose.

Rey tried to forget the hurt in Finn’s eyes while she rushed up stairs.

She wished they never came, it would have been easier. She just wanted to cry.

‘Here’s mom’ said Ben, voice low and warm as always while he moved around Leia and Bail’s beds. It ought to be comical, he looked huge compared to the children, hunched over their small beds in his dark clothes, tucking them under the covers, kissing their foreheads… but she could only see beauty, Ben and his intense love for the children and her, the way the warm light of the lamp on the bedside table between the two beds made everything softer. And she wanted to cry, because she could lose all of it.

’Sweetheart’ Ben said again, standing up straight, offering her his hand.

In a way, it reminded her of the throne room on the Supremacy - him offering her his hand, himself, the galaxy, while she was in tears because she _couldn’t_ \- but this was different. She was hurt, and afraid, and he only wanted her to feel better, not only because it was upsetting the children but because he cared so deeply about her. After all the loneliness of her childhood, the pain of admitting to herself that her parents gave her away because they didn’t want her, it was still a shock to see and feel how deeply Ben cared for her, how much he loved her. And she loved him, _force_ , she loved him _so much._

‘Why are you sad, mom?’ Bail asked when she finally moved to kiss him goodnight.

‘I’m not sad, I just haven’t seen my friends in a very long time. It’s a lot’ she answered, they always tried not to lie to them, and she was mostly just omitting some details.

Bail seemed content with that explanation, but the expression on Ben’s face, the way he hovered close to Leia’s bed, told her she still hadn’t spoken a word since Rose answered her question.

‘Hey there sunshine’ she said kneeling next to Leia’s bed.

Ben had braided her hair, and Rey brushed some strands that had escaped away from her eyes.

‘Are they going to hurt dad?’ she asked suddenly, and Rey froze.

‘No, no, they’re old friends’ Ben said immediately, calming Bail, who was ready to jump out of bed at his sister’s words.

‘They’re friends’ Rey repeated, trying to calm herself in the force ‘but sometimes, when you don’t see someone for a very long time, it takes a while for things to go back the way they were. There’s nothing to worry about, okay?’

‘But… I felt… I was afraid they would take dad away’ Leia frowned, confused and sad.

‘It’s okay, I promise’ said Rey kissing her forehead, ’now it’s time to sleep. If you’re good, dad will take you to fly on the Falcon’

That seemed to work on both of them, Bail and Leia closed their eyes and settled in. Rey turned the lights off, and she stood with Ben on the doorway for a moment, looking at the children peacefully falling asleep before closing the door behind her.

Ben hugged her tightly then, exhaling heavily, exhausted more mentally than physically.

‘You should listen to yourself more’ he said, his hand moving up and down her back, calming her. ’This’ he murmured referring to their common fears ‘it’s just the shock of seeing them after so long. Give it time’

‘I just love you so much, and I… sometimes when I see Luke or Yoda I want to push them away. I’m not sure I want to tour the galaxy in search of force users, or open some kind of academy. I know that it’s inevitable, that more will come looking for us, but after everything… I’m not ready to let go of _this_ , Ben. This is everything I’ve ever dreamed of and more, _so much more_ ’ she revealed in tears, not knowing if she was speaking aloud or though the bond. But it didn’t matter, it never mattered with Ben.

He kissed her forehead, the tears on her cheeks, and held her closer.

‘I never even ever imagined I could have this, and I am grateful everyday, but things can’t stay the same forever, others will come, the children will grow up… we just have to hope it will be for the better. Things cannot be the way they were but, Rey, they’re still your friends, and they are here with good news. We _must_ hope it will be okay. If not, we’ll fight our way through it like we always did’ he said with a small smile, eyes so bright and voice so sincere it left Rey out of breath.

Somedays she didn’t know how how she could handle it, all this warm love she felt, but her heart was strong, big enough for Ben, for Leia and Bail. And Finn, Poe and Rose… they were still in her heart too.

‘Okay’ she agreed taking a large breath, ready to go back, but before doing that she kissed Ben deeply. When they parted he smiled, a little breathless from their kiss, lips red and still the most beautiful men she had ever seen.

She didn’t know what she was going to do, but she had to face them. Ben understood, of course, he smiled encouragingly and walked back with her holding her hand. Whatever was going to happen, they would face it together, and that meant so much to Rey that a simple _I love you_ didn’t seem enough to express what she felt inside. But there was the bond between them, and so he _knew_ how she felt, and she _knew_ how he felt.

They returned to the kitchen where Finn was the only one standing, hands on his hips.

‘We’re leaving’ he announced avoiding her eyes ‘I just wanted… I just wanted to say sorry for what happened on Chandrila, and let you know that you could come back, that we still cared… ‘

Rey was taken aback once again. Truth be told, she was expecting more of a fight.

‘She knows’ Ben said suddenly, filling the silence that was stretching for too long ‘but you know how she is, she bites when she feels cornered’

‘Ben!’ she exclaimed punching him lightly, but he chuckled, moving away from her and towards the table to pick up the dirty dishes.

Poe looked positively shocked by Ben’s chuckle, while Rose stood still in her chair, arms crossed and clearly uncertain about what to do or say.

‘You should stay, it’s dark outside. You’ll risk getting lost on your way to the town. These fields are tricker than they appear. We have a spare room, and a sofa’ he continued while moving the dished to the sink, avoiding bb-8 with grace since the droid began to move around his long legs.

‘Ben is right, you should stay. I was… surprised. I just don’t want to have to fight again for this… ‘ she said gesturing vaguely at the house around them, Ben, Leia and Bail.

‘I understand, really. I’m sorry, I should have known…’ Finn interrupted her, guilt clear in his words.

She moved cautiously, but Rey finally crossed the kitchen to hug him, and suddenly it was like seven years had never passed since the last time they embraced.

‘Finally’ Poe exhaled.

‘What’s gonna happen now?’ Rose asked.

‘We’ll figure it out’ Ben answered without hesitation, a small smile on his face.

Rey knew he was right, and she smiled as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading/commenting/kudos! I never expected the story to be so well received! For this story this it, but I will add some short one shots to the series in the future!

**Author's Note:**

> I have no beta and english is not my first language, have mercy.


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